Dancing the Edge to Surrender

This book pairs my erotica with the true story of my intimate relationships and then adds my analysis of the main themes around trauma, emotional skills, and authenticity. Nietzsche said ‘That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger’. My story bears this out on more than one occasion. My erotica is as intense and challenging as is my life story. It is full of BDSM, fetish, and power exchange dynamics. The lines between the fantasy and my lived reality are easy to blur. I hope that this book will excite, inspire and open doors. There is light no matter how long you have been in the darkness. It is a matter of learning how to kindle the flame and light the torch. We are all works in progress, can learn from our patterns and develop new skills no matter what stage we are at in life. It remains my mission to take sex and conversations about sex from the shadows to the light.

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Feedback & Reviews

“Dancing the Edge to Surrender is a wonderful creative work, bringing together hot stories, powerful memoir, and helpful reflections on how we can all navigate our erotic lives in relation to trauma. The book asks the kinds of questions that few have been brave enough to address: How does gaslighting in our early years set us up for future abusive situations? What impact does sexual trauma have on our erotic scripts? How can we find safe-enough ways to engage with fantasy and kink when we have been traumatised? How can we cope with the shame around physical arousal that can happen during abuse, and the ways in which fantasies can draw upon abusive situations? What is possible in terms of transcendence and transformation when we blend the spiritual and the erotic together, even from a place of trauma?

Lori Beth Bisbey writes beautifully, drawing you deep into her erotic world and her painful past in equal measure. The book is a challenging – even uncomfortable – read in places as the reader has to face the very complexities being written about, asking themselves – for example – what it means if they find descriptions of abusive experience arousing, and how they would know if the scene being described was consensual or not. Drawing on her wealth of expertise as a trauma therapist, sex coach, and leading name in the BDSM world, Lori is always on hand to help guide us gently through this treacherous territory. In reading her own tail of surviving – and thriving – despite such terrifying early experiences, we are left optimistic that it is possible to heal from trauma and find transcendence through the erotic.”

Meg-John Barker

Author of ‘Rewriting the Rules’, ‘Enjoy Sex’, and ‘Queer: A Graphic History’

“My Beloved and I have known Dr. Bisbey for over a decade, and during that time we’ve been intimately involved with her on various planes and levels. To have been able to get the chance to peruse her memoir and get a glimpse of what her life was before we entered into it was both stimulating and enlightening.

Being able to do and see the things she was able to do and see at a time when alternative lifestyles were vilified and shunned by mainstream society will give the reader a chance to appreciate the various levels of freedom that have been enjoyed in present-day society. Not to mention understanding the technological advancements that were not available during that time, which placed her in a position to where she had to venture out and experience everything that she is now recounting within the pages that are to come.

Sit back, keep an open mind, and for those that have the ability to, indulge in the nostalgia as you read through all of her experiences and feelings and interconnections. Oh, and the erotic vignettes are an absolute bonus!”

Shakir Rashaan

 Author Chronicles of the Nubian Underworld series, Kink PI series