People frequently come to therapy and coaching believing that they are broken. They have been told this by parents, friends, family, partners, teachers, and finally therapists, counsellors and doctors. Caregivers, partners, well-meaning people tell them they feel these things, they make these awful choices, or they have these negative experiences because they are broken. Over the past 33 years, I have worked with thousands of people and the vast majority of them don’t have something wrong with them. They are just missing skills. I will say this again so it sinks in:
You are not broken. You are missing skills.
This book is made up of education about the skills, examples from my life and the life of my clients, and step-by-step plans to learn some of the skills complete with exercises.
When a person lacks these skills, it sets them up to experience more difficult situations throughout their lives. I have dedicated a chapter to the results of gaslighting in all its forms because this abusive behaviour robs people of some of the most essential skills and sets them up for emotional abuse, intimate partner violence, rape, sexual violence, and physical abuse/assault later in life. Emotional, coping and relationship skills make it possible for us to integrate well with others, keep a solid sense of self and self-worth and create and maintain relationships that bring all parties joy.
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Feedback & Reviews
Dancing the edge to reclaim your reality’ is a much-needed book to help survivors of all kinds to navigate the world of sex and relationships. Lori Beth Bisbey rightly puts the childhood experience of gaslighting right at the heart of the struggles which so many of us face in trusting our feelings, treating ourselves consensually, and finding safe-enough relationships. She explains clearly how being trained from a young age to question and discount our realities puts us at risk. She then kindly takes the reader through a number of ways in which they can learn how to reality check, tune into their bodies, risk assess situations, and nurture nourishing relationships from now on. This is an optimistic, inclusive book which provides a great relationship toolkit, whatever your sexuality or relationship style.
“My Beloved and I have known Dr. Bisbey for over a decade, and during that time we’ve been intimately involved with her on various planes and levels. To have been able to get the chance to peruse her memoir and get a glimpse of what her life was before we entered into it was both stimulating and enlightening.
Being able to do and see the things she was able to do and see at a time when alternative lifestyles were vilified and shunned by mainstream society will give the reader a chance to appreciate the various levels of freedom that have been enjoyed in present-day society. Not to mention understanding the technological advancements that were not available during that time, which placed her in a position to where she had to venture out and experience everything that she is now recounting within the pages that are to come.
Sit back, keep an open mind, and for those that have the ability to, indulge in the nostalgia as you read through all of her experiences and feelings and interconnections. Oh, and the erotic vignettes are an absolute bonus!”
Author Chronicles of the Nubian Underworld series, Kink PI series